To Be Honest...

To be honest... there are very few people who are honest, at least in the blogging world anyways. In our house we sometimes talk about the impression people's blogs can give. It is easy to blog about the  the trips, holidays, family photos, and the exciting things. It is rare to open someone's blog to see pictures of a dirty room, piles of laundry, or stacks of homework. Probably because we'd rather not remember the days when we woke up late and forgot to take out the garbage. I'm realizing more and more though that when things are good and everything is running smoothly (with just the right amount of activities to keep me busy but not too many to where I feel overwhelmed) I don't look to God for guidance. At least, not in the same way that I do when things aren't going according to "my plans". I know James tells us to anticipate trials and to count it all joy when we meet them but I, all too often, face my trials of various kinds with various kinds of disgust and frustration... followed by looking to myself to somehow figure things out. It should be no wonder to me why I get frustrated!
Lately I've been realizing that God wants me to let go of my plans and give it all over to him. It's hard. Really hard. I give it over to Him and then pick it back up again and try to go at it by myself right away. The other night the words of a Stuart Townend song filled my mind:
I'm gonna trust in God,
I'm gonna trust in Jesus
Without shame and without fear
I'm gonna fix my eyes on the hope of glory,
For His day is drawing near

How great is the love of God,
How steady is his hand
To guide me through this world
And though I am weak,in Him I stand 
And you will hear me say to - day,
In faith, I'm gonna trust in God

Now when the cares of life seem overwhelming,
And my heart is sinking down,
I'm gonna lift my hands to the One who'll help me,
To the One who holds my crown.

The lyrics have been in my head on and off since then as a simple reminder from the Holy Spirit to not try to do things in my own strength. 

When I look back at the times I knew I couldn't do it in my own strength, I see the righteousness of Christ and the grace of God. More in those times than in the times when I was dong "just fine". So thats why I want to sometimes take a break from the yippy skippy, photogenic moments and record the real feelings, about the trials that seems huge to me at the time... so that when I look back I can once again see how God's plan was better than mine despite my attitudes and frustrations.