To Be Honest...

To be honest... there are very few people who are honest, at least in the blogging world anyways. In our house we sometimes talk about the impression people's blogs can give. It is easy to blog about the  the trips, holidays, family photos, and the exciting things. It is rare to open someone's blog to see pictures of a dirty room, piles of laundry, or stacks of homework. Probably because we'd rather not remember the days when we woke up late and forgot to take out the garbage. I'm realizing more and more though that when things are good and everything is running smoothly (with just the right amount of activities to keep me busy but not too many to where I feel overwhelmed) I don't look to God for guidance. At least, not in the same way that I do when things aren't going according to "my plans". I know James tells us to anticipate trials and to count it all joy when we meet them but I, all too often, face my trials of various kinds with various kinds of disgust and frustration... followed by looking to myself to somehow figure things out. It should be no wonder to me why I get frustrated!
Lately I've been realizing that God wants me to let go of my plans and give it all over to him. It's hard. Really hard. I give it over to Him and then pick it back up again and try to go at it by myself right away. The other night the words of a Stuart Townend song filled my mind:
I'm gonna trust in God,
I'm gonna trust in Jesus
Without shame and without fear
I'm gonna fix my eyes on the hope of glory,
For His day is drawing near

How great is the love of God,
How steady is his hand
To guide me through this world
And though I am weak,in Him I stand 
And you will hear me say to - day,
In faith, I'm gonna trust in God

Now when the cares of life seem overwhelming,
And my heart is sinking down,
I'm gonna lift my hands to the One who'll help me,
To the One who holds my crown.

The lyrics have been in my head on and off since then as a simple reminder from the Holy Spirit to not try to do things in my own strength. 

When I look back at the times I knew I couldn't do it in my own strength, I see the righteousness of Christ and the grace of God. More in those times than in the times when I was dong "just fine". So thats why I want to sometimes take a break from the yippy skippy, photogenic moments and record the real feelings, about the trials that seems huge to me at the time... so that when I look back I can once again see how God's plan was better than mine despite my attitudes and frustrations.

The Small Things

As I see everyone's Facebook statuses and blog posts about thankfulness I'm reminded how often I take things for granted and don't really stop to be thankful. My dad made the comment yesterday that the whole essence of being thankful means that you are forced to be thankful to something or someone. How often do I stop to thank God for everything that he has given me? Sometimes I think that I would be far more thankful if I had far less... if I didn't know where my next meal would come from I would truly be filled with gratitude when food came along. Instead I assume that there will be food on the table and I even complain sometimes when the pantry gets a little under stocked and I can't find cereal. How ungrateful my heart really is. Today has made me realize not only the numerous blessings that I'm given each and everyday but that I  need to stop and take the opportunity to be thankful for them everyday.

Tonight as Americans are finishing leftover turkey and pie, watching football, and planning their attack on the stores in the early morning hours I'm left thinking about how empty my life would be if that's all it consisted of. It's so easy to take the small things for granted and it's easy for me to look through Black Friday ads or to even see something one of my friends has and to instantly have desires for things that I didn't even know existed much less wanted. Yet when I look around me I'm forced to forget about sales and stuff and presents...

I see my three beautiful cousins from China and Korea, how amazed I am by the blessing of adoption and by the beauty by which their adoption represents the way God welcomes us into His family. I hear laughter filling the house and I'm thankful for family members who were able to come spend the weekend with us. I still smell the pumpkin, turkey, and spices from our lunch floating through the house and am blessed by the fact that we didn't have to wonder where our food was going to come from today. I'm thankful for the deliciously warm weather today that provided us with the opportunity to go run around outside for a while this afternoon. From daily living with the bestest little siblings, to always being completely forgiven... I am blessed beyond measure.

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

A Great Weekend

Adela, Me, and Hannah

For my birthday weekend I got to go to Hope College to visit Adela... Hannah came with me and it was super nice to hang out with them for the day! We visited the pier to watch the sunset and these crazy girls decided to jump off into Lake Michigan in NOVEMBER! I was almost convinced to jump with them but I chickened out and took the pictures instead :) I'm glad that I did too... it was soooo cold! It was a beautiful evening though and I'm so glad I had the opportunity to finally visit Adela at Hope.

Happy Birthday to Us!

So blessed to share another birthday with this girl! Seriously, I got a sister for my birthday... how cool is that?! Love you Samantha!

Growing Up

Childhood. When does a person leave their childhood behind? Legally, its probably going to happen to me tomorrow morning at 5:55 when I turn 18 years old... People grow up - this is one of my least favorite facts of all time, but its true nonetheless! On this day thirteen years ago I remember hiding under my mom's desk and crying. She asked me what was the matter and I angrily declared that I didn't want to turn five! I wanted to stay four forever! I've struggled with the same feeling every birthday-eve since then... as much as I love birthdays, I hate the idea of leaving another year behind.  I used to claim proudly that I'd play with my baby dolls and doll house forever and never grow up.  And yet, it has been years since I've even thought about playing dolls.  Growing up is a process that can't really be stopped, it just happens when you least expect it.  One day you are learning how to ride a bike and the next you are learning how to drive.   

I'm currently listening to 'Christmas like a Child' by Third Day. The lyrics say he wants to feel Christmas like a child, why? Because when your a kid, Christmas is all about the wonder and excitement... the nativity story doesn't grow old, the lights are enchanting, and the snow is magical. As an adult the chaos of the holidays and the stress of Christmas get-togethers overwhelms the once perfect holiday.  

Someday I'll probably realize that I've grown up, but I don't plan on leaving childhood completely behind... I want to remember the joy and wonder of the experiences I had as a child. And I want to always enjoy life like kids do. 

Seventeen was an amazing year! It was a year of "new" and learning to appreciate, even love, the discovery of new things. New experiences, new friends, renewed faith in my Savior, it was amazing to see God's faithfulness and His care for me through it all! I have no doubt that this year will hold many new, exciting things as well... it's an adventure!

17 highlights of this past year (not in any particular order):

1. Christmas caroling on Christmas morning

2. Seeing my cattle business grow with the 3 calves born this past spring.

3. Applying, having an interview, and getting accepted for Camp Barakel Summer Staff 2012

4. Graduation! And my Open House 

5. Giving a speech at the graduation dinner - such a time of growth for me! 

6. Paintball for the first time... so scary and fun!

7. Working at Barakel for 9 weeks this summer

8. Seeing Brian Regan LIVE AND seeing Tim Hawkins LIVE (only one week later!!!!)

9. Attending the 'Don't Waste Your Life' seminar and hearing John Piper

10. Doing numerous photo shoots with 'Indelible Images'

11. Moving into my own room

12. College Days, driving to and from LCC with Mo and Nate is the best :)

13. Keeping in touch with and spending time with Barakel friends after summer

14. Nannying for 3 different families, I love those kids!

15. The Avengers

16. Getting a laptop

17. Reading through journals and posts from this past year and seeing all the ways God has grown my faith and trust in Him! It's always such a blessing to realize that He's been at work in me in so many ways over the past year...

Life is short, I don't want to waste the life that God has given me. I can't wait to see where He will lead me in this upcoming year!